You are walking home and it’s dark. You reach the narrow street and it’s deserted. You pause…did you hear something? Your heartbeat increases and you strain to listen…nothing.
Do you go down the narrow street or take the longer route taking an extra 10 minutes?
I’m currently reading a fascinating book by Gavin De Becker, “The Gift of Fear”. The book outlines the importance of listening to your intuition as it is our best line of defence against potential threats. This got me thinking…
What is the difference between being anxious about potential threats and being cautious?
There are people who consider every possible scenario. In this context, they consider all the different times they may be at risk or in danger, all the things that could go wrong. They will feel increasingly anxious, some to the point where they will cancel their plans to remain in the safety of their home.
Is this how to keep yourself safe?
Life is a risk. Every day we take risks. The key is to take calculated risks.
In the above example, your intuition is telling you to beware, be careful. If you ignore it you may be totally fine. Is it worth the risk? If you don’t actually need to and you could add a detour to increase your safety, is it really worth finding out?
If you do opt for the detour what does that say about you – are you sensible or a coward? Are you listening to your intuition or being held hostage by anxiety?
The difference is common sense. Ask yourself one question – is it rational to believe (insert belief) will happen? If it is rational and you are simply being cautious then you are listening to your intuition. If it’s not rational then you can challenge the belief by asking yourself WHY do you think it will happen. What is the evidence base for it? What is the evidence base against it? What does past experience tell you is the most likely scenario? If you can’t reason with the belief then you know your anxious feelings are stronger than your powers of reasoning and it’s time to talk to a friend, family member or therapist about tackling it.
What one person may consider to be a rational fear may be totally irrational to someone else.
Who decides what is rational?
When people have been the victim of a crime it can be common for them to doubt their judgement and try to reassess their risk rule book so to speak.
This is part of processing what happened. Such events change you. They give you more life experience – unwelcomed.
It can be hard to define whether your new beliefs about your safety are healthy or if what has happened is distorting reality.
With all of these situations it is important to remember you aren’t alone. You don’t need to figure everything out all at once. Talk to someone you trust. Work with a therapist who will train you how to challenge your own thoughts.
De Becker says, fear is a gift.
The key is knowing if your fear is keeping you safe or if it’s lying to you.
Good luck! Contact me if you need support or guidance.
Written by Julia Donald at Cognitive Vitality Psychotherapy in Inverness.