We are approaching Halloween – a marvellous time of year for dressing up in weird and wonderful costumes!
Halloween gives us the opportunity to transform ourselves into someone, or something, different. It could be an animal, a famous person or the traditional witch/ghost/skeleton.
As children there is so much delight in getting dressed up and assuming the identity of the costume. As adults how many of us have the chance to be someone or something different for a while? Would you want to be?
How many of us have dressed up as an angel, the devil, a Greek God or even the naughty nurse at Halloween for fun? For one night we get to pretend to be someone else.
In our every day lives we are generally fixed in a pattern of behaviour. This then brings out particular personality traits more than others. People then identify us with those ways of being.
But what happens if you want a break from the person the world knows is ‘you’? How easy is it to wake up one day and be different? The person always saying yes to everyone says no. The quiet, shy, reserved person asks someone on a date. The outgoing socialite stays home and reads a book. How would the people around you respond?
A few months ago I was watching a reality TV programme about couples who think they should win the ‘perfect couple’ title. In one of those couples the female was describing herself as two people: her ‘normal’ self and her alter ego. The characteristics were totally different and had a different first name. Her alter ego was significantly more confident, outgoing and open minded sexually.
As a CBT Psychotherapist all of a sudden I was paying attention. Was this alter ego a different self state (dissociative disorder)? What was going on here? Why did this female feel she needed an alter ego and couldn’t incorporate all of her desired traits into her ‘normal’ self.
As I continued to watch it became clear this was her way of being the person she wanted society to see and also giving herself permission to have a less restricted version of herself as and when she wanted it. She didn’t wait for Halloween to have one night of being someone else.
So here’s something to reflect on. How often do you allow different parts of your personality to come out? How often do you break the mould and be a different you? If you did, what would that person be like? Would the people around you accept that version of you? If they wouldn’t, what does that say about them?
Do you really need the excuse or reason of Halloween to transform yourself, not into someone else, but into a different you?
Written by Julia Donald , CBT Psychotherapist at Cognitive Vitality Psychotherapy Inverness.